A Gender Transition

Wasn't fun

Are you sure?

I wish I could tell you your life will get better just after transition but that would be a lie. A lot of girls end up regretting all the changes: often times for the wrong reasons. The most important aspect of a successful transition is rebuilding an emotional infrastructure: that support group of dear friends & family that comprise of our happiness through the course of each week & year.

Will your life be better after you transition?

Fundamentally, perhaps yes. However, in terms of “quality of life” – the answer is almost always “no”. Even in the best of circumstances, you’ll face these challenges:
  1. You’ll lose a lot of friends. Many that you retain will never enjoy the same level of intimacy as before.
  2. You’ll face strained relationships with some family members.
  3. You’ll live with lots of emotional scars from hurtful comments from loved ones – even strangers.
  4. Your work & career options will be limited. You might lose your job and your ability to earn a decent living at a time when costs associated with a successful transition are straining your resources.
  5. The process to successfully change your tender is very long, expensive & sometimes painful.

The best real-life analogy I can offer comparing what transition will & won’t be?

I sometimes compare a gender transition to resolving a life-long challenge with horrible back pain. Anyone whose ever experienced severe spinal issues is aware how it affects every movement & thus every aspect of your life. If you get it repaired? You simply now have a good back – not necessarily a good life.

Now suppose you were born with this painful back pain. Throughout your entire life you found it almost impossible to function because of the pain associated with this birth defect. You find out you can fix it…but it’ll cost you about ten focused years of your life. In that process you’ll probably lose a lot of friends & family, most of your money & your subsequent career opportunities will be minimized.

Is your back ache so miserable that you’re willing to go through all this to enjoy a normal life?

It’s very important to carefully consider this issue. One big reason? After you fix that back-ache, most of your other life issues, feelings of inadequacy, frustrations…? They’re still there. The only thing that’s changed is your back no longer hurts.

It creates a basis for a lot more internal happiness. You’re no longer lying to the world, or yourself. Unfortunately, inner solace is only good for so much joy: you can’t grab a cup of coffee with it or trash talk your favorite nemesis.

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